since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize