he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
