I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
