I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
