If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
