just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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