I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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