that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize