So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
