I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
it's great music for shaving your balls
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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