Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Your cock deserves a montage
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
