based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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