3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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