I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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