Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
