So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I could fuck to npr.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
