I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
