Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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