YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
