I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
