So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
