so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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