I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
