Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
