she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
