Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
