And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
