i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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