On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
