6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
