Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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