I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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