dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
