just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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