i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
