Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
