If i come over, it means nothing
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
