he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Ketchup is God's man juice
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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