did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
