And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
