winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
