i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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