"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
