You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Is it penis luge time yet?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
