Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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