a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
