I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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