is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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