So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
