So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
