If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
