I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
