i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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