So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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