I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
