the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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