something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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