This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
