I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
