If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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