Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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