Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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