went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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