Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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