It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
