I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
