So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
