I'm going to jail i love you
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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