I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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