when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
