they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
this boner is exhausting
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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