I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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