did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
