Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize