Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
