Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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