Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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